5 things to do immediately when you see anger in your child…
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When your child’s anger shows up, it can feel loud, overwhelming, and personal. But anger is not the enemy — it’s a signal. And how we respond in the first moments matters more than we realize.
Here’s what to do right away:
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 Regulate yourself first
Before correcting your child, check your own nervous system. Take a breath. Lower your voice. Scripture reminds us: “A gentle answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1). Your calm becomes their calm.
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 Get curious, not corrective
Anger is usually protecting something — fear, hurt, disappointment, or overwhelm. Instead of asking “What’s wrong with you?” try “What’s going on inside you right now?” Jesus asked questions before offering correction. We can too. Invite them into dialogue.
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 Name the emotion without shaming it
Say, “I see how angry you are.” Naming feelings helps the brain settle. Emotions are not sinful — what we do with them matters. Don’t forget to add, “I see how angry you are, but you still need to have self-control.” Or “It’s still not acceptable to hit, yell, or hurt someone.”
“Be angry and do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26).
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 Create safety before solutions
A dysregulated child cannot learn. Sit nearby. Stay present. Offer connection before consequence. God meets us in our mess, not after we clean it up — our kids need the same grace.
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 Point them back to truth, not control
Once calm returns, guide them gently: “What do you need right now?” “How can we handle this differently next time?”We’re not raising children who never feel anger — we’re raising children who know how to bring their anger to God.
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 Anger is not a parenting failure.
 It’s an invitation to disciple the heart. Gods revealing something that needs a closer look. 
 And every moment of connection plants a seed.
You don’t have to get this perfect — you just have to stay present, lead biblically, and trust Jesus!
Save this and start using these tools with your kids! Share with a friend who needs it!

 Even negative reactions give their brain the dopamine stimulation it craves
 Your yelling reinforces and strengthens that pathway in your brain too
 Emotions only last 90 seconds - stories make them last longer
 Change the story, change your response, change your reality
 Support emotional regulation and story reframing with omega-3s, alpha-GPC, and curcumin for calmer responses.

You’ve been told to limit screen time. I’m going to tell you to reframe it.
Your frame causes your child’s brain to treat the end of screen time like danger—but you can shift this.
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When you say “No more iPad,” your child’s nervous system registers threat. Their brain was getting perfect dopamine hits—bright colors, sounds, engagement—and now you’re ripping them out of high stimulation into the boring real world.
That’s not defiance. That’s biology.
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The meltdown isn’t about the screen. It’s about their nervous system struggling to downshift from high to low stimulation—and they literally haven’t learned how to do it smoothly.
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Most parents double down on rules: timers, warnings, consequences. But rules don’t teach regulation. They just create more conflict.
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Here’s what actually works:
Reframe the ending. Instead of “No more iPad,” try: “iPad time is done. Now it’s time for snack and outside play.” State what IS happening, not what’s being taken away.
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Join before you end it. Before the transition, join your child- watch the show, play the game, ENGAGE: “Show me what level you’re on” or “Teach me how that works?” Helps your child to FEEL you. Now their brain is in a “yes” state—then you transition.
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Offer The Special Five. Give 5 minutes of your full, undivided presence RIGHT AFTER screen time ends. This tells their nervous system: “The good stuff doesn’t end when screens end.”
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Your child’s struggle with screen transitions isn’t a character flaw. It’s a nervous system issue.
And once you have the right tools to support their regulation, screen time can become cooperative—without guilt, yelling, or dread.

Defiance isn’t disobedience—but a natural instinct.
Dr. Gordon Neufeld uses the term counterwill, borrowed from psychoanalyst Otto Rank, to describe the innate human instinct to resist being controlled by those we’re not attached to.
This resistance isn't a flaw. It’s part of our design. Children aren’t born to blindly follow orders—no matter how well-intended. The real issue isn't misbehavior; it’s disconnection.
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When a child is attached, they are moved to follow our lead. But when attachment instincts aren’t engaged, commands often provoke resistance—even in the simplest moments: “Hurry up,” “Eat your peas,” “Put that away.”
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So what’s the answer? Before direction comes connection. Dr. Neufeld reminds us to “collect before we direct”—engaging the eyes, the smile, the nods.
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We should only direct when a child’s heart is open to follow. Otherwise, we invite resistance instead of cooperation.